Questions You Should Be Asking Your Sexual Partners

Before starting anything new in life, it’s always good to ask questions and be curious. This applies to new hobbies, activities, life changes, major purchases, and of course, sex. Especially asking the person (or people) you will be having sex with, all the questions.

Being honest with your sexual partner(s) is key, and vice versa. You deserve to feel 100% confident and comfortable before sharing your body with someone new. Most of the time it can feel super intimidating to ask these kinds of questions, but it’s better to be upfront and proactive rather than secretive and unsure. Whether you are talking to a casual partner without strings attached, a potential new relationship, or just wanting to further your sexual experiences in general, here are some of the questions you should always be asking...


“Do you want to have sex?”

Consent, consent, consent. Always ask. Never assume! If it’s not a yes, then it’s a no! Asking for consent is the most important question for any sexual partner regardless of how serious you plan to be involved with them. Not only is it the right thing to do, but it makes those involved feel comfortable and above all, feel respected and heard.

Consent is not just necessary when having sex - this question should be applied to all forms of intimacy. Before making any kind of move - always double check. May I hug you? May I kiss you? Are you comfortable with cuddling? Can we have sex?  It’s a case-by-case thing!  By asking these direct questions, you’re creating a safe space for you and your partner to share new experiences together.


“When did you last get tested?”

People often struggle to ask this question due to how invasive it can seem - but it’s time to get rid of the stigma. Around 20 million new STD transmissions occur in the US every year alone, and half of those occur in people between the ages of 15–24. In many ways, it should be considered a courtesy to your prospective partner for you to be proactive about not transmitting STDs.  Don’t assume it will be awkward if you bring it up, and definitely don’t assume they’ve already been tested recently. When you simply open up the conversation it can be as easy as… “just for transparency, I got tested a month ago and I’m clear. Have you ever been tested for STDs?" It’s the responsible thing to do, and both you and your partner’s well-being depend on it. Plus, if your partner isn’t being transparent back, it allows you the opportunity to rethink sex with them altogether or prioritize barrier contraception. Which leads up to our next question…


“Do you use protection?”

Before having sex, make sure you’re having safe sex. Condoms? Birth control? Don’t let anyone pressure you into having unprotected sex. Not only is being pressured into having unprotected sex a major red flag, but it’s incredibly disrespectful to you and your boundaries. It’s just not cute. Don’t put up with it. 

Remember, only barrier methods such as condoms can protect you from STIs. And if you do decide to forego contraception altogether with a partner for personal reasons, it should be an exclusive partner with whom you’ve both shared your test results with and feel 100 safe and comfortable with. And if you are having unprotected sex (and don’t want to get pregnant), think about exploring long-term contraception to prevent unplanned pregnancy.

PS: Sadly, there are still (mostly) men out in this world who “don’t like condoms because they can’t feel anything.” Red flag! Get out! Who needs a partner that values their own pleasure over your health and safety? Not you. If they’re not down for protected penetration…Thank u, next!


“What are you comfortable with?”

Having great communication with your partner also means better partnership and sex. The more you get to know each other, the more confident you’ll feel sharing your body with and trying new things. Everyone has different boundaries and preferences, putting your interests out on the table (or bed) opens the door for more activities that you’re both comfortable with. And this way, you’re not doing anything you don’t want to do just to please someone else!

“What are you looking for?”

This is not an easy question. Feelings can be so complicated. Sometimes we end up in “situationships”, totally unsure of where things are headed. But even if it seems scary to have this conversation, knowing what you’re getting yourself into first can prevent you from getting hurt (or hurting someone else). Knowing if they’re sleeping with other people is also good information when it comes to having safe sex. And remember, it’s okay if your feelings evolve over time. You may want to see them more often, or you may end up not wanting to see them at all anymore…this is totally normal and your feelings are allowed to change about someone.

Extra Tip: There is a serious correlation between having multiple partners and getting STIs but here’s the thing: it’s OK have sex with as many people as you’d like as long as you’re using protection and being safe (and having sex with people who also are being safe).  

 Need additional guidance on safe sex practices, birth control, or your sexual health? Our 5 Star Rated Doctors, Nurse Midwives and Nurse Practitioners are accepting new patients at both of our beautiful locations in Phoenix and Mesa. Call our office to learn more or book your appointment today! 


Bella Women's Care Blogger

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